


Unexpected morning off

by Ishbella



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/M, Fluff, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3527519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishbella/pseuds/Ishbella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen is having a bad day with this withdrawals and allows himself to be bullied into taking the morning off by the herald who is concerned for him. Cullen is still completely misunderstanding her relationship with Dorian.</p>
<p>set in haven before the breach is closed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpected morning off

He felt terrible this morning, the withdrawals were really bad today; he felt like he was going to be sick and his head was going to explode. He knew he looked pale and tired, worse yet his skin was clammy. Cassandra had already fussed at him and told him that if he wanted to go back to bed she would take his workload until he was feeling better. Pride had made him decline, and now he dreaded the herald seeing him like this, he would put on his best appearance for her so that she didn’t worry.

An hour later she made her customary walk down to greet him, he was never sure why she did this but he seemed to be the first person she came to talk to in the morning. He watched with dread as she came down the stairs, her sleepy expression cleared when she saw him watching her. He gave her his best smile, and prayed to the maker that she wouldn’t notice how sick he was.

The maker did not hear his prayer, as she took in his appearance he watched her beautiful eyes narrow in concern and frustration as she took in his appearance.

“I’m fine” he said flatly rubbing the back of his neck. He didn’t really expect her to believe such a horrific lie.

She glared at him coolly for a moment before yelling “lieutenant! Come here” he watched in awe as his lieutenant stopped what he was doing and immediately jogged towards the herald. No one with any sense would ignore her when she used that tone of voice.

“Yes herald” he said as he came to attention in front of her.

“The commander is going to lie down for a while; doubtless you have noticed he is not feeling well” he watched as his lieutenant seemed to shrink at the accusation. She was utterly commanding, sometimes it was easy for him to forget that she had been an enchanter with authority.

“I’m fine, I do not need to lie down” he said weakly. Part of him was indignant at being treated like a child, while the other was resigned to doing as she wished.

She leveled a scowl at him and felt himself shrink a little under it before turning her attention back to lieutenant “if you need any assistance you will go to either the Iron Bull or Lady Cassandra. Messengers are to be redirected to the Lady Cassandra and if she cannot handle them then they _may_ come to my room and I will determine whether or not they can wait until the commander is feeling better.” Her words were iron, she would be obeyed or there would be hell to pay and the lieutenant knew it. “They are to be instructed to enter my room quietly as the commander will be sleeping”

“At your order Herald of Andraste” he saluted without any hesitation. As far as the lieutenant was concerned at this moment the herald out ranked the commander, no one would argue with her.

This time when she turned to him her expression softened into concern. She put a cold hand to his forehead to check his temperature. “Come on, haven is not going to burn down because you took the morning off.”

He nodded; there was really nothing else he could do. He should have taken Cassandra’s offer earlier and now he had to deal with the herald, and now he would have to take the morning off. He followed her as she walked back to her room. She paused only briefly to ask an elven servant if they would bring a pitcher of water and two cups to her room.

Once they were inside she turned to him and told him to take his armour off. Personally he would rather not sleep in her room, everything smelt of her and he didn’t think that would help him sleep. The elven servant came while he was just finishing taking his armour off. Kiraka relieved her of her burden and gave her a coin before putting the tray on the bedside table.

He watched nervously as she grabbed a book from a nearby shelf and sat on the bed with the wall at her back, she wiggled up the bed until she was at the very head of the bed with the pillow positioned on her lap. Cullen gulped nervously.

“What are you doing?” maker’s breath she was going to make him sleep with his head on her lap. Although he had dreamed about this and honestly couldn’t think of anywhere better but they were not together, would never be together.

“What does it look like? You’re going to sleep here and I’m going to use my hand to cool your fever” she sounded exasperated with him. Treating this like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Well that made sense; it would be the easiest way for her to do that. He still felt like he had just drifted into uncharted territory, it would be easier to do this for her rather than her do it for him. He watched as she frowned when he hesitated too long.

“Cullen you take care of me all the time, just relax and let me take care of you for a change” it was true, he’d been taking care of her since the first day she woke up after the breach. Cassandra said he fussed over her too much but this woman would skip meals and sleep in the cold like no one else he’d ever known. Sometimes she was utterly unconcerned with her own wellbeing.

Cautiously Cullen closed the distance and sat on the edge of the bed. She pulled on his shirt to force him backwards into arm reach before pulling him down to the pillow. All in all fighting with the herald was a losing battle.

“Kiraka, what if someone comes in?” it would be embarrassing, the amount of rumours this would cause, didn’t she care, wouldn’t Dorian care? If his head wasn’t already going to explode it would have given him a headache.

“Then it had better be life or death.”

She began stroking back his hair from his forehead with a cool hand; it felt wonderfully good, comforting. Her smell was everywhere, calming him like it always did; it occurred to him that maybe that was why she always chose to smell of lavender. With the other hand she opened her book and began to read. It was a relief to know she wasn’t going to press him for why he felt ill today, if he was honest she never pressed him about anything, preferring to wait until he was ready to talk to her. It took a while but eventually he drifted off to sleep.

_His dreams were really weird, with her scent surrounding him he dreamt of her, what it would be like to hear her tell him she loved him. He dreamt of asking her to marry him, what she would look like pregnant with his child. Then as they always did the dream turned dark. She was standing with him inside a purple barrier while he knelt on the hard floor. He watched as her beautiful features bubbled and boiled and when he blinked she no longer stood in front of him it was a desire demon._

_“I can give you your heart’s desire” she said in the herald’s seductive voice. “I can be whatever you want”_

_“No I will not break” he heard himself cry “you broke the others but you can’t have me”_

_The demon hissed at him baring its claws then its features bubbled again until she once more looked like the herald. “Very well, if I can’t have you no one can” She rushed forwards with claws drawn and swiped._

Crying out Cullen bolted up right tears in his eyes and breathing heavy. A cool hand on his back made him jump; suddenly his surroundings came rushing back into focus. Her rooms, her smell, the distant sounds of sword play.

“Cullen? Are you alright?” he looked back at her and saw concern on her face and softness in her eyes.

“I’m fine” he lied trying to shake the fear the dream brought on. “I should get back to work”

A gentle but firm hand forced him back down; he put his hands over his eyes so she wouldn’t see the tears. “No, you’re staying here a while longer.” She was silent for a moment, he assumed she was taking in his appearance and ragged breathing. “Do you always have nightmares?”

“Yes. Always” he didn’t say that they were often brought on by his withdrawals, that even ten years later he was still haunted by what happened to him at ferelden circle and he didn’t tell her that this one had been with her face. Talking about it would mean he had to tell her everything and he desperately didn’t want her to know how broken he was.

She said nothing just ran her hand along his jaw stroking his stubble. He moved a hand so that he could see her; he wished he hadn’t looked up. She had an impossibly soft expression on her face, for a moment he could almost believe that she loved him. “You’re not alone Cullen. I’m always here when you need it” her voice was so warm and accepting; her features held no judgment or pity just warmth.

A lump formed in his throat and he tried to work it out, tried and failed. He desperately wanted her to love him, to hear her say she loved him but it was impossible. He was damaged, broken, a struggling addict. He had nothing to offer her except the fact that he loved her and he knew it wasn’t enough. Oh she cared for him, as a friend; he would have to learn to live with that. “Thank you” was all he could croak past the lump.

Without moving her hand off his jaw she began to sing softly to him, it calmed him faster than anything he could have thought possible. Eventually his eyes stopped stinging of tears and the lump in his throat left and he slowly drifted back into an uneasy sleep. In his dreams he thought he heard voices, they came and went but he didn’t wake and he didn’t have another nightmare.

When he finally dragged himself into consciousness she was still there lightly stroking his face and reading her book, she hadn’t noticed he was awake yet. Her book looked different. “Is that a different book?” he said startling a sharp intake of breath from her.

“Yes, Dorian brought it” her voice was still all soft but she was glaring at him for startling her.

“How long have I been asleep?” if she had finished a book it had to have been a few hours. He was feeling much better now, still a little bit of a headache but much better.

“A few hours, it’s nearly lunch time.” she answered as she closed the book. “How are you feeling?”

She removed her hand as he moved to sit up. He had slept all morning; he grudgingly supposed he had needed it. “Better” he answered rubbing the back of his neck. “Were there any messages”

“One messenger brought a message from your Captain.” She reached over to grab a message he noticed was lying on her bedside table. “It didn’t look important enough that it couldn’t wait a few hours. Cassandra also came to check on you. Your colouring is much better and you no longer feel clammy. After you’ve had lunch you may return to your duties”

Of course Cassandra had come to check on him, he thought as he opened the letter. True it was important but nothing a few hours of delay would harm, he wondered however how important a message would have had to have been for her to consider waking him up. He also wondered how much she had frightened the messenger who had dared to bring it to her.

He got up and slowly put his armour back on, feeling a little sad to be leaving the comfort of her lap. As he got dressed she reopened her book and read while she waited, when he was finished she hauled herself out of the bed and came forwards to put her arms around his neck. “Please take better care of yourself Cullen. I worry about you” she said sadly as she curled her fingers in the back of his hair. It always felt good to be held by her. When she stepped back she reached up and began to smooth his hair neatly back into place. Realizing for the first time that his hair was probably a mess he pulled her arms down, held them in his hands for a moment before releasing them and going to check his appearance in the small mirror she had hung in her room over the wash basin. His hair wasn’t too bad and didn’t take long to fix.

When he was done he followed her out of the room and up towards the tavern. She wasn’t going to release him until after he had eaten something, she was probably hungry as well he realized, she hadn’t had a chance to go and have any breakfast, he felt a little guilty that he had caused her to skip a meal.

When he returned to his post his lieutenant approached him cautiously. “So she’s finally released you” it was a light hearted remark. “You’re looking much better now, Commander” 

“I feel better. The nap helped” it was also just being near her that helped, not waking up alone and the constant feel of someone being with him.

“You’re feeling better commander?” came the voice of Cassandra. She came across from her usual position by the training dummies.

Maker’s breath, was everyone going to ask? He thought annoyed. “Yes I am fine”

“Good. Next time just go and take the morning off when I tell you to.” She sounded annoyed. Cullen thought maybe Kiraka had scolded her for not being firm enough with him.

The rest of his day passed in a blur, she came to check on him several times before inviting him to dinner. He spent the remainder of the night being teased about his nap by Dorian. After the breach was sealed he was going to have to ask what their relationship was because he found it confusing, Cullen was sure that if another man had taken a nap on his lovers lap he would _not_ be teasing them about it.

When he went to bed he discovered that her scent had stuck to his clothing and he fell asleep dreaming of her again.


End file.
